You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
