Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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