That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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