I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think my fart just growled at me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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