Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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