some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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