We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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