woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
