I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
