I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize