i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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