Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
