Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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