So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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