I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
