I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish you could order shots online.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
