I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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