Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
