We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
