My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
