How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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