Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
