sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
