I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
