do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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