So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
