Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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