Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
