are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
