dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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