She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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