ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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