I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
