my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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