I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
