Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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