Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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