PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I AM VODKA MAN
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
