i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drake has all the answers
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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