Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just had sex on a roof
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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