Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
