Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
