you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
