I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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