So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
