Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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