i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
