where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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