hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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