how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
