Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
