This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
